akilahquinn (akilahquinn) wrote,

It seems as though no matter what I do Ty is constantly pissed off at me. I can’t seem to get him to show me affection. He pushes me away from him. He won’t tell me he loves me or hug me or kiss me unless I beg it from him.

This isn’t just lately that he acts like he hates me. It’s been like this three or four years now. We will be married 6 years in August. He walks around like he is pissed and mad constantly. Kids and I can’t do anything or say anything with out him getting all cranky and he starts yelling at everyone.

Kids will walk up to him and try to get him to talk to them or read a story or something and he starts yelling at them. He is constantly threatening to ‘bust their ass’ when they do something wrong instead of telling them they can’t do what they just did and why. L

I try to get him to hug me or talk to me or what ever and he’ll roll his eyes. I can’t bring anything up that needs to be dealt with without him yelling and throwing things around. Like the situation with Korban and his little pervertedness.

I try to tell him the reason Vince’s front teeth are rotted is because he lets him have bottles or sippy cups at night when he is suppose to be sleeping and he gets all pissy and starts throwing some junior high girl attitude/temper tantrum.

It’s almost like he doesn’t want to deal with anything. He won’t read to the kids or play with them or anything. It’s almost like he’s embarrassed of us or something. He won’t discuss things with me with out getting mad.

I just want to feel loved/wanted. I can’t even get a job. It’s like I am not good enough for anyone. I want to get an education but I don’t have the $40 application fee for the damn college. Ty won’t give me the $40. I can’t think of any way to come up with $40. I suppose I could go ask the college or job service about how to get that paid for, then a scholarship to go to college. Maybe tomorrow I will do that. Take some quick course so I can get a job fairly soon.

I am getting to feeling like my parents and siblings don’t even like me. It’s like they only come over to visit the kids. I feel like if I didn’t have kids they would never come over. I feel like they are embarrassed of me.

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